From a CERN student club author :
Antigravity Cat Experiment
Mar 16th, 2009 | By David Garcia Quintas |By Yoda & Antelope
1. Theoretical background of the experiment:
Murphy’s Law states that: ‘If something can go wrong, it will’, therefore ‘If you throw a slice of toast with butter into the air, it will always fall with the buttered side down’
Not less importantly, Cats Conservation Law states that: ‘A cat will always land on its feet.’
2. The experiment itself:
So, what would happen if we stick a slice of toast with butter to a cat’s back and we throw it into the air? The cat, by law, will land on its feet, but the toast, by law too, will land on the butter’s side.
Against this problem of physics laws, the nature chooses the best (and laziest) way of taking a solution: the cat may just not fall.
The cat with the toast, once it’s free in the air, will float at its cat-toast equilibrium point, where butter repulsion forces and cat forces are in balance. This point can be adjusted by removing some butter from the toast, adding it, or cutting some hairs (or legs) from the cat.
In theory, this will cause the cat to remain stationary. However, in reality, due to varied nature of gravity and the non-uniform profile of Earth, the cat will simply spin around its nose-to-anus axis at an ever-increasing speed.
The generated energy can be harnessed by attaching the cat’s collar to a generator or a small grist mill (assuming one has a use for small grist). If let spinning for a sufficient amount of time, the cat-toast device might even be able to fly, think the mechanism of how helicopters work. Now kids can fly cats instead of kites!
However, this device could constitute a dangerous weapon if fallen into wrong hands.
The speed and mass involved could turn it into an unstable state with a power equivalent to that of 1 trillion Hydrogen bombs or 1 million black holes. The cat-toast’s instability could cause it to explode on contact and this explosion would be powerful enough to recreate the creation of the universe. In other words, the fear for LHC is grossly unfounded when we have the cat-toast devices - which are terrifyingly easy to build - to worry about.
Many other uses are not yet known in depth by the scientific community. Most civilized species in the universe already used this principle to build their UFOs. In fact, the buzzing sound that you hear when you see an UFO is actually the purr from the cats.
3. Notes on concurrent state-of-the-art buttered toast experiments and their results:
Contrary to the widely-held scientific belief, buttered toast does not always fall butter-side down. The “Mythbusters” research group show recently examined the “butter-side down” conventional wisdom and determined that from a table-top height the bread will flip once, landing on the other side; and from a much higher, say the roof of a two-story building, the bread will land more often butter-side up.
When the toast is buttered, a depression is formed in the centre and thus the toast is “cupped” into a curled leaf cross-section. This will bring the buttered side to flip up before landing.
Fortunately, none of us self-respecting scientists will ever admit watching TV in the evening (or eating chips off our chest in the meanwhile, for that matter) and this point of view can be safely disregarded.
